Postcards from the Edge: Don't let conflict ruin your summer holiday
A week in the sun is meant to wash away your worries, not ramp up the tension. Family holidays can, however, be stressful. There are steps you can take before and during the time away to make sure the family makes the most of their trip.
For families, summer holidays can be a period of stress, not rest. With a little preparation before embarking, families can anticipate what might cause tensions to rise – and think about how they'll respond before disagreements escalate.
Many people wait all year for their summer holiday, urging on the days until they can enjoy some rest and recuperation in a sunny spot far from the madding crowd. Others, though, come to associate time away from home with disagreements and fallouts. The tedium of being stuck in a car or airport lounge for hours is fertile ground for arguments to grow.
Departing from routine can cause young people anxiety, while parents and carers may find themselves feeling frustrated when they've invested time, money and energy into a family holiday, only to feel their efforts are going unnoticed.
Parents and carers can begin to resolve conflicts within the family once they come to understand what’s underneath the behaviour they object to. Take, for example, a young person who would rather spend time on their phone than, say, gaze awestruck at the Grand Canyon or St Paul’s Cathedral.
During adolescence, young people naturally begin seeking greater independence and spending more time connecting with their peers. What can look like disengagement to parents and carers may sometimes be a young person meeting a genuine need for connection and belonging.
Before arguments begin, visit the section of our website that deals with screen time and how parents and carers can navigate their young person’s use of technology without causing a fight. A digital family agreement might be what’s needed here – if so, better to realise ahead of the holiday that the young person’s use of their phone might be an issue and come to an agreement before stepping on the plane.
Parental emotional regulation is key here. When tensions rise, young people often take their cues from the adults around them. While staying calm won't prevent every disagreement, it can make it easier to keep conversations constructive and avoid situations escalating into conflict.
SCCR's Learning Zone for Parents and Carers contains a range of practical resources in the Family Conflict and Management section, including tried and tested methods for lowering the temperature even as the sun grows ever more scorchio. Before leaving home:
- Discuss expectations.
- Agree how screen time will be managed.
- Build downtime into the holiday.
- Talk openly about potential stress points.
- Decide how family members can ask for space when needed.
In brief, then, before packing your suitcase, parents and carers should make a realistic assessment of areas of behaviour likely to lead to conflict, not just their young people but themselves too. Once they’re aware of what’s likely to trigger conflict, families can take note of what they can do to avoid conflict or what they can do to bring an argument to a swift and successful conclusion. In the same way we take suntan lotion on holiday to prevent sunburn, bookmark the pages relating to conflict resolution on SCCR’s website.
Conflict isn't something families need to fear or avoid entirely. Disagreements are a normal part of family life. What matters is how we respond to them. This includes thinking not only about situations that may frustrate young people but also recognising the pressures that parents and carers themselves may be carrying. With a little preparation, understanding and communication, families can enjoy more of what holidays are really for: spending meaningful time together.
Bon voyage!
