The Power of Listening
As we mark Samaritans Awareness Day this week, Alison Wood, Deputy Regional Director for Scotland (Samiritans Scotland), tells us about Samaritans' focus on listening, and reflects on how listening can guide people towards solutions that work for them.
I first realised the impact of truly listening when I was talking with my brother-in-law. It wasn’t during an emotionally difficult moment, but he had opened up enough to tell that he ‘didn’t talk emotions’, and I thought it might be time to prove that with the right listening skills, even the most stoic of people can feel safe to talk about their thoughts and feelings.
Within 10 minutes, he was talking about his emotions. He was amazed. I was amazed. “How did you do that?” he asked.
Active listening is a different type of conversation. Listening to what someone is thinking and feeling really helps, giving people the chance to get things clear in their own mind. Then they can think about what choices they would like to make to change things and consider how they are able to do this.
Samaritans operates a 24/7 listening service, free of charge, supporting people in emotional distress or suicidal crisis. I’ve been a listening volunteer since 2019, and people call Samaritans for all sorts of reasons. It’s important for everyone who calls to feel heard and understood, no matter what they are going through.
Sometimes, calls can start with someone who sounds quite chirpy and chatty. They might say, “I’m sorry. I’m probably wasting your time.” They might think there are other callers who need to talk more, and they may even say “you’ll think I’m just being stupid.”
I tell them: “There’s no rush. Take your time. Why don’t you tell me a bit about what’s been going on for you?”
The caller then opens up, they might go on to talk about something they haven’t spoken about before – difficult feelings or situations they are experiencing such as grief, domestic violence, or loneliness.
One thing I’ve learned through active listening is to never assume you know what someone’s troubles are. Don’t guess just because of their situation or the way they talk. Give people space to tell you their story. Let them feel they can trust you not to judge.
So often people with troubles have had advice from family, friends, or professionals but they continue to find coping difficult. This can be where we, as Samaritans, come into our own. Samaritans don’t judge, we’re not here to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do. When we use active listening skills, we’re not telling anyone about our experience, or trying to relate our lives to theirs.
Using open questions to reflect, clarify, or show that we understand what the caller is sharing with us can be a useful way to allow someone to talk in more detail about what’s on their mind. For example, “how have you been feeling today?”, or clarifying “so you feel your family doesn’t understand? Is that right?” creates a safe space where the caller feels understood and listened to.
As much as it may conflict with our nature as humans, as Samaritans volunteers, we need to remember that someone else’s problems, are not ours to fix. Our advice and solutions might be right for us, but not for others. Using active listening skills, means we can give people the clarity to see a way forward - their own way forward. I know how useful these skills have been for me in talking with friends, family, and colleagues.
With all that said, it’s important that we recognise that we are humans too. Supporting people through crisis is hugely rewarding, but it can be a challenge. We should always remember to take time to look after our own mental health, to check in and support our colleagues and ensure we deliver our service in the best way we can for those most in need.
This year, on 24/7, Samaritans Awareness Day, I’d like to acknowledge not just all of our fantastic volunteers at Samaritans that utilise these skills to help people in some of their most difficult moments, but also to recognise the many people across the charity sector that take the time to really listen. The difference that you are making for people in crisis is more than you know.
Samaritans can be contacted any time, from any phone, free on 116 123, or visit samaritans.org to find your nearest branch. Details of other services and more information can be found on the NHS website here.
